15 October 2013

Some thoughts...


I probably risk sounding a little moody by getting a bit more personal than I ever usually do, but I hope that I can share just a little bit of an emotional recap without sounding too morose. ;) The past few weeks have brought on a slew of emotions ranging from supreme contentment to paralyzing anxiety, and maybe a little homesickness thrown in there as well. Sometimes it's possible to have an exceptionally good morning, and a downright awful afternoon--or the other way around. It's all a part of the process, and I'm typically pretty good at taking everything in stride.

I view everything as a process, an ongoing journey from not just one point to another, but from point to point to point to... you get the idea. Often, one point is no better or worse than the last, but that it's different is the key. Edinburgh, so far, has been yet another (arguably major) stepping stone. There is yet quite a bit that I'm getting sorted out (such as the 1/3 of my program, ie. the internship that has yet to even begin, and we're already halfway through the term). I'm still getting to know people, and settling in with friendships... Additionally, I inevitably worry that I've taken out a grandiose student loan for something that I, now in the thick of, feel suddenly wary. This is natural, I know. It would probably be even more alarming if I felt as though I could cruise through this year unhindered by finances or academic anxiety... but still. That invariable cliff just looms there... what happens next September? What's over that cliff?

Perhaps I'm looking at it the wrong way. It's not a cliff, or as I've likened it in the past, a black hole. Instead I should probably see it more like some sort of obstacle, or lack of a bridge to the next place I need to get to--the bridge that I, right now, am in the process of building. But in the back of my mind, I always try to remember a very moving keynote speech that author Neil Gaiman made in 2012 to the graduating class of the University of the Arts (video below), and the segment about the mountain:

"Something that worked for me was imagining that where I wanted to be – an author, primarily of fiction, making good books, making good comics, making good drama, and supporting myself through my words – was a mountain. A distant mountain. My goal.
And I knew that as long as I kept walking towards the mountain I would be all right. And when I truly was not sure what to do, I could stop, and think about whether it was taking me towards or away from the mountain."

It's also true, that "the mountain to the climber is clearer from the plain," in the words of Khalil Gibran. I think now, being in the middle of something that I've been anticipating for a long time, I'm faced with realities instead of hypotheticals. It's sort of a shock to the system.


I have been fortunate to meet some amazing people. I'm attending a top-notch university. My classes are exceptional and I couldn't have asked for a better first semester to jump back into the land of academia. And there are so many little trips I'd like to make. It's only now being here that I am able to see what comes next more clearly, so the process continues processing...

Just some thoughts. ;)

Kate x

P.S. (Whenever it's gloomy in Edinburgh, I do like to look at that picture up on top. I store the sunny photos away for rainy days!)


  1. Oooofff! I remember feeling this way even in college--was I making the right decision paying so much for an education that I wasn't sure I would use later. It's rough. In the long run it will be/is SUCH a great experience!

    xo Lisa | Making Life's Lemons

    1. It's unavoidable -- I'm definitely on round two of the Is-It-Worth-It? university carousel, but even looking back, I wouldn't trade my experiences for anything. They've gotten me where I am and made me the person I am, so I can't complain. ;D

      Kate x

  2. I'm kind of in the same place right now. I kind of think anyone still in school or going back to school feels this way...

    I'm not sure how related this is, but it's been helpful to be so I thought I would share : http://www.ted.com/talks/meg_jay_why_30_is_not_the_new_20.html