Some thoughts...

I probably risk sounding a little moody by getting a bit more personal than I ever usually do, but I hope that I can share just a little bit of an emotional recap without sounding too morose. ;) The past few weeks have brought on a slew of emotions ranging from supreme contentment to paralyzing anxiety, and maybe a little homesickness thrown in there as well. Sometimes it's possible to have an exceptionally good morning, and a downright awful afternoon--or the other way around. It's all a part of the process, and I'm typically pretty good at taking everything in stride.

I view everything as a process, an ongoing journey from not just one point to another, but from point to point to point to... you get the idea. Often, one point is no better or worse than the last, but that it's different is the key. Edinburgh, so far, has been yet another (arguably major) stepping stone. There is yet quite a bit that I'm getting sorted out (such as the 1/3 of my program, ie. the internship that has yet to even begin, and we're already halfway through the term). I'm still getting to know people, and settling in with friendships... Additionally, I inevitably worry that I've taken out a grandiose student loan for something that I, now in the thick of, feel suddenly wary. This is natural, I know. It would probably be even more alarming if I felt as though I could cruise through this year unhindered by finances or academic anxiety... but still. That invariable cliff just looms there... what happens next September? What's over that cliff?

Perhaps I'm looking at it the wrong way. It's not a cliff, or as I've likened it in the past, a black hole. Instead I should probably see it more like some sort of obstacle, or lack of a bridge to the next place I need to get to--the bridge that I, right now, am in the process of building. But in the back of my mind, I always try to remember a very moving keynote speech that author Neil Gaiman made in 2012 to the graduating class of the University of the Arts (video below), and the segment about the mountain:

"Something that worked for me was imagining that where I wanted to be – an author, primarily of fiction, making good books, making good comics, making good drama, and supporting myself through my words – was a mountain. A distant mountain. My goal.

And I knew that as long as I kept walking towards the mountain I would be all right. And when I truly was not sure what to do, I could stop, and think about whether it was taking me towards or away from the mountain."

It's also true, that "the mountain to the climber is clearer from the plain," in the words of Khalil Gibran. I think now, being in the middle of something that I've been anticipating for a long time, I'm faced with realities instead of hypotheticals. It's sort of a shock to the system.

However!

I have been fortunate to meet some amazing people. I'm attending a top-notch university. My classes are exceptional and I couldn't have asked for a better first semester to jump back into the land of academia. And there are so many little trips I'd like to make. It's only now being here that I am able to see what comes next more clearly, so the process continues processing...

Just some thoughts. ;)

Cheers!
Kate x

P.S. (Whenever it's gloomy in Edinburgh, I do like to look at that picture up on top. I store the sunny photos away for rainy days!)

Settling in

I've done sort of an onslaught of picture posts lately, which I think appropriately relates the sort of exuberance that comes with arriving in a new place--especially one of renowned beauty such as Edinburgh. During the first few days I was here, it was almost impossible to go outside without pulling out my phone to take a picture, or if I thought ahead enough, my regular camera. But I thought that now, as I'm closing in on my third week here and things have begun to (gradually) fall into place, it might be nice to start reflecting a little bit on what being here, so far, is like.

Moving is hard. It's hard when you have to move to a different apartment in the same town you were in, or in the same state. It's a totally different story when you move to another country. I did it on my own, which makes it both simpler and more complicated depending on how you look at it, but I try to imagine having a family and all of those implications as well (doctors, schools, etc.) and it just boggles the mind. Or if I had to move furniture, or ship a car. Eep!

There's so much to think about before you leave, and then when you arrive! And of course, at that moment when you're most stressed from the physical move -- the packing of boxes, the flying/driving/shipping of items, and making sure you can get into your new place as hassle-free as possible -- there's everything to figure out. I have the benefit this time around of having been in the UK for a length of time before, so things like supermarket chains and currency I had mostly figured out before. I needed a little reminding, of course, but it's the sort of thing you take for granted at home, and can make settling in, in a new place, just a tad more challenging.

I started getting orientated to my university and specific program right away after I arrived in Scotland, so in addition to trying to stock toilet paper and figure out why ibuprofen tablets only come in tiny boxes of 16 tablets for the equivalent of $5USD, and what the heck a "flat white" is on the coffee shop menu (a small espresso drink with a thin "flat" layer of really velvety milk foam)--deep breath--there's school to think about.

And socializing! Joining a one-year masters program is like being a college freshman all over again. Nobody knows anybody, most people are from quite far away, so going through similar adjustments as you are, and therefore happy to lend a hand, give advice, or, if it comes to it, commiserate. One difference is our age, which is typically somewhere between 23 to 29 with a few later-comers thrown in there for good measure. The other difference between being a postgraduate and a freshman is that a larger percentage of postgraduate students are already married, more inclined to read and go to bed early (and therefore accept midnight bar closing as, well, acceptable), and... smarter. They want to be here (most of them, anyway) and they want to work hard and achieve something. We chose this. However, that's not to say that studious people don't like to grab a cold beverage after mind-bending seminars. Maybe two... or three.

Overall, in the last (almost) three weeks, I've begun to settle in and get a grasp on what's expected of me this year, and what I can expect to get out of it. I'm far from settled in yet -- relationships of all kinds are new and tenuous, classes have only just begun, I'm still trying to decide which grocery store is best for regular trips, and my internship has still to be determined altogether. Things are coming together, for sure. But there is quite a bit of settling in yet to do.

This weekend I'm headed to the Highlands on a see-it-all-quick bus tour just to get out of the city and see some hills. I need some expanse! Edinburgh is not an architecturally tall city, but it's a busy one, and I like space. I look forward to getting out for the day and then coming back to the place that's my own, and will feel more and more like mine as time goes by.

I'm having an amazing time, and it can't be overrated how lucky I feel--and am.

Cheers!
Kate x